Take These With You

The past few days, I haven’t felt like myself. I’m adjusting to a new cocktail of anti-anxiety meds, my roommate and I are in a fight, and I haven’t been hungry for anything, even sushi (VERY unlike me).

When I’m stuck in a funk, where I can feel the spiraling thoughts take over my mornings and my mood shifts up and down, I try to ground myself in actions that feel authentic to me.

Several months ago, my therapist recommended to me a book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. This book was damn near life-changing, challenging the common belief that we should always strive to feel happy. Drawing on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it teaches readers how to stop struggling with negative thoughts and emotions by accepting them and living in alignment with their values. The book offers practical techniques to build psychological flexibility, emphasizing living a life guided by your deepest values to create meaning and fulfillment.

I imagine many 20- and even 30-somethings feel lost, wondering if the path they’re on is the “right” one. I know I often suffer through this inner turmoil, ruminating on whether this life I’ve built so far is going to maximize my future happiness, whether it’s the path I’m “supposed” to follow.

The reason I adored this book was because it essentially said the path you’re on doesn’t matter. Your circumstances really don’t matter. Not when it comes to finding fulfillment in your life. As long as you identify and live by your personal values – no matter where you live or how many friends you have or what industry you’re in or how big your engagement ring is – you will find meaning and, subsequently, happiness.

I’m writing out these values, and how I have and continue to live by them, to remind myself of who I am at my core. These values can exist, guiding my life and how I view myself, regardless of my current external circumstances or the people surrounding me.

My Values (in no particular order)

1. Balance
2. Humor
3. Empathy
4. Ambition
5. Health
6. Friendship
7. Compassion
8. Curiosity
9. Authenticity

Moments that capture these values

1. Balance: Out at a bar on Saturday, visited the MET on Sunday
2. Humor: Making my coworkers (2 girls and four dudes) crack up at the bar last week. Nothing hits harder than making a group of straight men laugh
3. Empathy: Trying to put myself in my boss’ boss’ shoes. She’s had a hard year and that might be why she gets intense
4. Ambition: Interviewing for a new company in Austin this week. Even if nothing comes of it, it’s important to get the reps in
5. Health: Walking to work. A low-lift activity that clears the mind while still exercising
6. Friendship: A tough conversation with my roommate. We disagree, and some things she said really hurt my feelings. But, I know we’ll work it out, and the best friendships help both parties grow
7. Compassion: Could be better about this. I think I’m compassionate to my boyfriend who works 24/7 lol
8. Curiosity: Been obsessed with researching Belize and Guatemala. Dying to travel to these destinations so learning as much as I can about them
9. Authenticity: Admitting to my boss yesterday that I was having a horrible day. And it was over something silly. She covered for me in the afternoon anyway

Listing out my values and how I embody them grounds me. It reminds me of who I am, why I’m here, and even where I have room for personal improvement. They help me feel like me again.